oral surgery.

these are here for now. i haven’t decided if i’m going to put all of them, some of them, or none of them up on ratcliffe-lee.com yet. i don’t know. this was a weird roll. the shots that i thought were going to come out superb, came out normal and vice versa. strange. maybe it was the content. maybe it was my state of mind. who knows. what i do know is that i have to wean myself off the canon and start shooting with my digital. not only will it save me money but i’ll never get good results with my digital unless i commit myself to it. that’s what happened, all i had to shoot with for a good 3 months was my canon and i ended up getting some great photographs.



lately, i’ve been having a struggle with love & hate, in my head. i don’t know if it’s definitely hate. such a strong word. well, i shouldn’t lie to myself. on some levels, it is hate. though, i know the other half is love. to go into any more detail or find a logical way to convey such detail would be too exhausting right now. another time, perhaps. haha, time. you bastard.



when and if i have any expendable funds, i think good times would be renting a stretch-anything, filling it with close friends & good booze, and driving around. stopping here and there to be noticed and pee. in other words, nat’s party was a good time. even actually being in the city. one of the bars we went to was very intimate. so intimate that i didn’t want to disturb the atmosphere by taking pictures. which suprised me.



stafford’s limited edition ep is either being pressed or done being pressed. the artwork came out fairly nice. it was simple. not too shabby for my first-ever album art project. the big test is yet to come. once all of the limited editions are sold out, they want to do a regular pressing of the ep, minus the bonus track, with a 4-page booklet insert. color, lyrics, etc. along with that, i want to have their new site done by the end of this month. their show on friday was decent. they used my car for their gear. i help them out a lot. sometimes, i think too much for my own good. but, with this one, i’m siding with karma and i have a feeling it’ll come back to me. i’m sure my parents gripe about me not having an “official” internship, but in reality, this is an internship. this could be something i want to do post-graduation, so i’m getting experience by doing it now. this is what takes up my time if i’m not sleeping, eating, watching movies, playing xbox, hanging out, or working for glenn.



2004: you better not fuck with me. 2003 hit me like a sucker punch from a heavyweight boxer. ups and downs. lefts and rights. i’m glad it’s over, i learned a lot. i can’t even imagine what is going to happen in the next 12 months. in my life, so much is happening in these days and weeks that years are becoming distant goals. new year’s eve at robyne’s was nice. got drunk. got to see ang and other people that are close to me. took pictures. yeah, i had an alright time. the day after, we went to visit ed. his house was entertaining to say the least. i wish i could’ve brought a video camera to do some documentary. it just felt like there was so much energy in his living room alone.



sunday, i picked up an issue of adbusters at b&n. i’ve heard of it, but had never read it before. just in one issue alone there is so much to digest. the whole ideal and rationale of ‘culture jamming’ is quite provocative. the main focus of the issue was changing how information flows and meaning is produced in society. essentially, we are the product. there were so many good points and justifiable reasoning that i felt compelled to agree entirely. however, the “change of information flow” was focused on the exact industry i hope to make my living in. communications. it was strange and almost accusational. but the more i read the more i realized that this was bigger than me. that i, as a journalist, was much of a victim as anyone else is.





am i
strung out
crazy
or not allowed
to be the one who gets stupid over you

lazy
laid back
maybe you’re just on crack
why am i the one who gets fucked up and confused?

she doesn’t care at all
she doesn’t care at all
she doesn’t care about those times we never shared at all

if i were the last
of the few who always ask
would you still be the same person that i knew
and if it’s for me
another boring story
i swear i’ll act enthused


great song. it reminds me of bill and i driving around in his jeep, fucking around and being cocky as shit. something that is still very real but seems very far away.



how can i feel rushed at 11pm?

i just do.